Dealing with grief and trying to make sense of it all

He Last week after attending the funeral of my 19 year old son's girlfriend Marli, in the cool of the evening I was sitting having a quiet beer, pondering and reflecting. I was exhausted and emotionally spent. I put on Spotify and played some music to cheer myself up, something good for the soul.

When you're not really listening, it's strange how the lyric of a song can catch your attention. I still find it uncanny, that a song can be so timely and quite unsettling all at the same time. It raises questions for me that I can't answer or make sense of at this point in time. Yet, I hold on to my knowledge that God is present, God is love, He is grieving too, and He promises to turn bad things into good.

​I get it if you find this hard to believe.

Life can change in the blink of an eye
You don't know when and you don't know why
"Forever Young" is a big fat lie
For the one who lives and the one who dies
I watched my son - shovel in hand
Go from bulletproof boy to a full-grown man
The cool dark dirt on the casket lands
Nineteen years old and he's buryin' a friend
Oh, goodbye two boys, hello one man

This son of mine is gonna leave in the fall
Some might ask how he stands so tall
His life was changed with a telephone call
Not even he understands it all
I watched my son - shovel in hand
Go from bulletproof boy to a broken man
The cool dark dirt on the casket lands
Nineteen years…

Amy Grant 'Shovel in Hand'

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